Sitting down to write this I am brought to a place of my mind that reaches back to far more famed New Yorkers. I think of the many novelists, essayists, filmmakers, and musicians that have made New York their homes, their muses, their lovers. I think of EB White, I remember Spike Lee, I think of Ryan Adams and the the love that so many have expressed for New York. And, as I recede into my mind I contemplate the love-hate relationship that so many of these creators expressed in their relationship to this teeming metropolitan world that is New York, and come to one resolution—I understand them.
Today, I write this because I resolutely have determined to leave New York. The noise, the congestion, the inflation, the abrasiveness are all things that I will not miss when I board the plane saying goodbye to a city that I have called my home for these last four years. A city who has presented me the opportunity to pursue higher education, and a city in which I met the love of my life. A city that allowed me to realize that I am an adult, that I can be ultimately successful on my own. I know the well-worn adage expressed so eloquently by Hoboken’s favored son, Frank Sinatra—“If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere” rings true to my ears. I have made it here, and I will leave confident in the fact that I can, in fact, make it anywhere that I choose to make my home.
It was in 2005 that I landed at JFK international airport—no apartment, one friend, precious little money; love of my family I left at home, and two bags containing all that I would own in my new life. It is from here that I staked my claim to independence, manhood, and my measure of success. It was in this New World capital city that I learned, worked, and grew. I expanded my responsibilities as a citizen, as a scholar, and as a romantic partner. So when I say adieu to NYC, secure in the knowledge I won’t return to live, I’ll think on the fact that next when I return it will be only to breathe in the intoxicating romance that makes the illusion of living in this city the gilded dream that it is—one that only a visitor can truly enjoy, it will be bittersweet.
For all the stress and strain of everyday life that comes with (a secondary tax) the citizenship, my life has been changed so indelibly by New Amsterdam that it will be with a somber yet hopeful demeanor with which I leave the city. Sad, yet relieved to close a chapter of my life. Extremely optimistic for the future knowing full well how my New York life has forged me a type of unconquerable armor to ward me and my ambitions on my new life path(s). I suppose I can take from Ryan Adams and say what I think so many ex-New Yorkers feel as they see the peaks of the American empire dissipate in their rear view—I’ll still love you New York.
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